“Joy”
Oceana

I believe with all of my heart that the Hallmark cards lie.

I believe that you can choose who you love, but you can never choose who loves you.

That’s beautiful and frustrating and unfair and overly gracious.

This summer, in a moment of honesty and through a thinly veiled smile, a friend asked, “What is giving you joy today?” It took me a second to answer. Not like a quick second, but more like a time-slows-down-like-in-the-movies-when-it’s-really-important-to-catch-the-details second. Like, “Chad, watch your step on this one. Collect your thoughts. Your friend needs you to share some real joy. He needs it. Don’t be cheap. Don’t say ‘love’ or ‘family.’ Prove something to him.”

His question was almost more like a challenge. And that challenge became more like a conversation within myself. I think I showed him a picture of my parents’ dog, which still may have been a cop out, but I was able to use that picture to launch a conversation, which I think is what he wanted all along …

My friend needed me to know that he was in pain, and I needed him to know that he couldn’t scare me away.

“And I see that I’m sure I won’t hide, I won’t hide …”

There was a certain joy from being able to care for my friend in that moment. I told him that I was proud of him for not shying away from the hard talks. He told me that he was thankful for an opportunity to be real.

Love is a conversation, and it’s not always one that is initially hopeful or joyful or inspiring. Sometimes it takes time and retrospect to see how love grows into those things. Sometimes it’s a conversation that takes place in our own heads, but is most productive when fleshed out with folks who love you without reason.

“So hold me higher, I caught you.
You caught me, and this I see.”

Love is a trust fall.

We are facing the same direction, and perhaps unaware that anyone else shares our point of view, but in our moments of resignation or vulnerability or abandon we can find a teammate, a cheerleader, who will still sees us as something to be proud of. Who can help us catch ourselves when we fall …

… and I guess that’s the thing Hallmark misses sometimes about true friendship rooted in love — the catching works both ways.

—Chad
TWLOHA Staff